I recently attended the Seattle Roadster Show. My Ansel Adams-quality images should be in this issue.

While walking through the show trying to control my photographic palsy, I bombarded my friend, Barry, with curmudgeonly comments. Barry was visiting from Detroit, staying at my house and dependent on me to get back to the airport, so he endured my diatribes. You, though, may turn the page.

DULL AND DENSE, TOO

In fairness of full disclosure, I must preface my remarks by relating the following encounter. A show vendor tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Not dull?”

Not knowing if that was a mere acknowledgment, a compliment, or a challenge, I quickly launched into a long explanation about how it was a black and white photo and if he saw my truck in person he would see that it was a very bright red and that the personalized plate was supposed to be a comment on the color and my interesting and not dull personality, blah, blah, blah.

He looked puzzled and returned to his booth while I hit the mental playback button. Upon review, it struck me that the photo is of me and the license plate, not my truck. So I approached him and explained things in even greater detail positively proving that not only am I dull, but I’m also dense. I muttered that I used to be blonde.

WASTED SPACE

I realize as the author of this column that I don’t have much room to complain about wasted space, but at least you didn’t pay $16 plus $10 for parking to read this.

I don’t get why indoor car shows waste so much space. Is it so we can have more beauty bark and sand to admire? Or, is it because they can’t get enough quality entries to fill an exhibition hall?

 Sometimes cars are parked too tightly at outdoor car shows, but I prefer that to diagonally displayed show cars in a space that should hold three or four cars.

TURNTABLES

Not only am I capable of walking all the way around a car, I prefer to. Turntables waste much space, and I have to keep chasing the car to get a better look at particular areas of interest.

CUTE CLUTTER

I’ve never understood the correlation between cars and knickknacks. There was a notable lack of stuffed animals at the Roadster Show. Maybe the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Carnival Prizes was monitoring the show entrance. I commend them on a job well done.

COMMERCIAL SPACES

I go to car shows to see cars. If I want to buy toys or auto parts, I’ll go to the appropriate store. I don’t mind seeing displays by rod shops with in-progress cars, but the blister pack stuff I can see any time.

We pay to get in so we should be paid for “watching” the commercials. A punch card or electronic scan card could keep track of the vendors we chose to visit. Each “visit” should be worth a dollar credit (up to the admission and parking price).

When show-goers turned in their cards they’d get their refunds. Promoters would charge vendors by the number of “hits” (sort of like Internet ads) rather than square footage. I bet this would eliminate frivolous commercial spaces. The “nobody cares” vendors could still be charged the floor rate if they didn’t generate enough traffic.

DATED CARS

A good car show should have a rigorous entry review board. Set the standards as high as possible. Pastel paint should warrant an automatic exclusion.

CELEBRITIES

The term celebrity gets stretched pretty far. Some third-string, supporting players from PINKS were supposed to make a one-day appearance. Whoopee! I guess the host’s ego wouldn’t fit inside the Qwest Center. I don’t mind seeing true automotive legends such as George Barris or Gene Winfield, but skip the reality TV flunkies.

MISINFORMATION

One of my favorite car show activities is eavesdropping on self-styled “experts” who know just enough to be dangerous—sort of like me.

Airbrush wizard, Mike Lavalle of Killer Paint in Snohomish, Wash., had a big display with several wild vehicles, including his personal Ford Lightning pickup. The extensively flamed (House of Kolor paint) truck featured the ultimate in engine covers-one that totally obscured the engine with a flamed panel.	There were several outstanding Pro Touring cars at the show, including this black beauty '69 Camaro owned by Blake Foster. Even though it was instantly recognizable as a '69 Camaro, it was loaded with subtle and trick modifications such as split rear bumpers and a '59 Impala dashboard.	If the hood looks a little long on Ken South's 1935 Dodge pickup, that's because it was lengthened to cover the Dodge Viper V-10 engine. Hot Rods by Gazz built the truck, including the totally custom bed which features Volvo station wagon taillights.
It's refreshing to see a full-tilt '55 Pontiac Chieftain in a sea of tri-five Chevys. Dan and Jean Rennick brought their wildly-flamed Pontiac from Liberty Lake, Wash. Chris Ledgerwood is responsible for the paintwork. Power comes from a 500-horsepower, 509-inch big block.	A rare 540 cubic inch Arias engine is just the start of innumberable modifications on Wes and Lori Cagle's super wild 1970 Camaro from Roseville, Calif. Roseville Rod & Custom built the car. The increadibly detailed undercarriage featured Alston suspension components and massive rear Mickey Thompson 33x22-inch tires on 20x16-inch wheels.	Brad Barrie is one of the best-known custon T-shirt artists on the West Coast and he's also a big fan of nostalgia-style drag cars. His period-correct, jacked-up '55 Chevy has all the right touches, including lettering for the fictitious Falfa's Speed Shop.
It's hard to believe, but this sensuous beauty is a restored 1953 Cunningham C3 Vignale Coupe, not a radical custom. Tom Armstrong previously won his class at the prestigious Pebble Beach Concours with this 331 cubic inch Hemi Firepower motivated coupe. The car features fitted luggage.	Not everyone grew up driving a 2-door, which is why Warren Kindle chose a '39 For Delux Fordor as a means of revisting his younger days. The proprietor of Sandblasters, Inc., in Marysville, equipped his totally old-school cruiser with a 275-inch flathead and a 3-speed.	This is what hot rod style is all about-a chopped '33 Ford hiboy 3-window coupe with a trick flathead for motivation and big and little rubber with gasser-style wheels. Dan, Leslie and Debbie Rosatto built a neat garage display to compliment their car.
Travis Moore from Olympia, Washington, had his super slick first-generation Chevy Blazer on display. Travis applied the flawless House of Kolor candy orange paint and performed the bodywork. This Blazer has the rare optional soft top. The brand new American Racing wheels were painted to match the truck.	David Lattimer's '32 Ford 5-window coupe from Black Diamond, Wash., looked like it just drove out of 1967. The orange coupe featured black lace painted panels and a small-block Chevy with vintage accessories.	Given its grocery cart wheelbase and big-block powerplant, Dave Anton's 1955 Hillman sedan delivery must be one wild ride! The flamed and silver shorty made the trip from Lancaster, Calif., to attend the Seattle Roadster Show.
A chopped, candy green-with-huge-orange-flames '55 Chevy sedan is hard to miss. Competition Colors applied the wild paint to Mark Morrow's racer, which is powered by a 522-inch big block that's backed by a 2-speed auto and a Ford 9-inch rearend.